my identity vs role confusion stage: MESS!

it's been 3 months away from you by now,
almost 2 months of my partnerless-ness already.
struggling from deep-within.
2 years lost inside your embrace -even though it's overwhelmingly comfortable-
I am now in search of my self.
collecting all the pieces that's left of me,
trying hard to find a clue,
of who I used to be.

in search of myself, I said.
"I'd find her for you," that's what you said.
",at least, let me wait for you."

NO!
you've known this all along!
you should've known I'm lost!
yet you let me fall!

barely do anything wrong, that's how you do.
the wind beneath my wing, that's what you are.
my muscle, my brows.
my sand castle, in which I feel safe.
too little too safe,
too little too lost.

I wish I could cut myself,
I wish I could just vanished away.
but if so I'll never know.

so I'll just keep looking forward for the day,
when I could finally fix this previous stage's mess,
enter the next with a sort of maturity just enough to get me through,
and we can catch up one day,
shaking hands, shaking knees.
that day when I'll say,
"Hi, I am Edira Putri Surachmat. it's very nice to see you again,
and this time, this is me."
(then you can call me at 8, or just walk away, either way won't hurt)

so here am I,
in search of myself.
and this time,
I'll find it within me.





P.S: btw, just btw,
do you know what the next stage is called?
it's intimacy vs isolation.
this theory rocks!


*berdasarkan Teori Perkembangan Psikososial Erikson,
sebagaimana dijelaskan mbak dosen yang belum-belum perbaikin nilai susulan saya.
tolong mbak, mbak cantik deh.