my identity vs role confusion stage: MESS!

it's been 3 months away from you by now,
almost 2 months of my partnerless-ness already.
struggling from deep-within.
2 years lost inside your embrace -even though it's overwhelmingly comfortable-
I am now in search of my self.
collecting all the pieces that's left of me,
trying hard to find a clue,
of who I used to be.

in search of myself, I said.
"I'd find her for you," that's what you said.
",at least, let me wait for you."

NO!
you've known this all along!
you should've known I'm lost!
yet you let me fall!

barely do anything wrong, that's how you do.
the wind beneath my wing, that's what you are.
my muscle, my brows.
my sand castle, in which I feel safe.
too little too safe,
too little too lost.

I wish I could cut myself,
I wish I could just vanished away.
but if so I'll never know.

so I'll just keep looking forward for the day,
when I could finally fix this previous stage's mess,
enter the next with a sort of maturity just enough to get me through,
and we can catch up one day,
shaking hands, shaking knees.
that day when I'll say,
"Hi, I am Edira Putri Surachmat. it's very nice to see you again,
and this time, this is me."
(then you can call me at 8, or just walk away, either way won't hurt)

so here am I,
in search of myself.
and this time,
I'll find it within me.





P.S: btw, just btw,
do you know what the next stage is called?
it's intimacy vs isolation.
this theory rocks!


*berdasarkan Teori Perkembangan Psikososial Erikson,
sebagaimana dijelaskan mbak dosen yang belum-belum perbaikin nilai susulan saya.
tolong mbak, mbak cantik deh.

JavaJazzFest 2012

whoaaa this is so a postponed post!


so, March 4th, cindy and I was so thrilled to attend the Java Jazz Festival 2012, and that brought us to an adventure where we got lost in Stasiun Sawah Besar, got an iPad but got no direction, got a will but got no sufficient knowledge.



that just proved that a strong will is never not enough to reach whatever destination. lol

well, little did I know about jazz and its musician. okaaaay, nothing did I know about 'em. LOL. it's just, well it's something to do with my (so-called) NewYear Resolution. to answer to everything. to say 'yes' to anything. to do anything. to go everywhere. I could write a whole post bout that. LATER. haha

so, our first show to watch is of Trio Lestari.
they're awesome and funny, I was familiar with very few of their songs but it's worth to watch anyway.
sorry for the pic-- I didn't bring my DSLR, I was using a pocket camera. I thought a DSLR would be a lil overwhelming to brought, and I kinda regret that .

next was, Dave Koz. *drumroll pleaseeee*
this guy, is overwhelmingly charming. -no pic-, we're too far from the stage you know, a pocket camera won't do so I didn't waste.
actually I was not really in the situation to write now, homework is piling, so I'd suggest extremely charming and sweet is enough to describe the performance.
I'll write about it some other time. lol.


we saw several other shows I didn't manage to recognize nor remember the name so I guess this is it.
what an useless post. hahah. I just feeling like I should write about this event.


oh and, if we ever want to eat in the festival (which is impossible to resist), we must have a BNI Prepaid card, which I at first gladly purchase, but now dunno where else to use. I still have about 50k in that card. waste!!


okay this is the end of the post.
pointless? I know.
so, pictures, pictures.
they tell a thousand lies of how we wish things should be.
bye!
*acak2 rambut, buka buku, get back to work. MAIN WORK. fokussss!!*

perfection

foto jadul banget,
fully UNRELATED with post.
uploaded for no particular reason
as far as I'm aware of.

"I used to crave for perfection.

It's unhealthy.

Try to keep things in your life in BALANCE instead.

Then it's so much better."

-hikmat mendadak setelah baca Theories of Personalities bagian si Freud tentang id, ego, superego.