Fajar Merekah (Bagian 2)

so it's that mighty-been-waited-all-year-long movie. For most people, but not for me. Breaking Dawn, the tetralogy has been amazing as a movie (I don't read the book) and I've more or less watched the four of them. But it's just movies for me and I'm not somewhat a fan of watching a blood-sucking creature make love to a pale young lady. 

Anyways, I've just watched the 2nd part of Breaking Dawn (as has more than half of the population). Just as like any other fantasy movies which were derived from something-inch thick of a novel, I feel the movie is lacking of details. So many hows and whys that can't be answered by watching the movie alone. 

So, visually, the movie is pampering for the eye. The casts, the sights, all for me was okay. Emotionally, it's kind of dry for me. Everything's on the surface. Maybe it's because of the lacking of narration, which can't be done in movies as much as it's on books.

Bella is the now strongest in the family.

And, I don't know about the book but there's this scene when The Volturi comes for The Cullens and Edward&Bella's daugther which they presumed to be an immortal child. An immortal child is a vampire child, which is dangerous because they would be forever a child and thus can't control their lust for blood. So an immortal child is against the law and they must be killed. And this scene is when Alice come out of the blue after days of wandering, and show Aro her vision about the child. She says that the child wasn't an immortal one and is no threat to them. Then Alice stopped, realize that it wouldn't even matter. Aro won't listen. 

Then, there is this fucking battle. Jasper was killed, Emmet was killed. Jane was killed. Both Russian vampires are killed. Some werewolves were killed. Numerous of characters were killed. Aro himself was killed. At that point I thought of Stephanie Mayer, the author, "damn, I've never seen an author with so little attachment to her fiction characters." Usually, killing certain character would be such a grief to the author, I believed. 

Then again, Stephanie Mayer is just like the rest (fiction authors). Apparently, it was all, all the battle, all the killling, was all in Alice's vision, showed to Aro.  After seeing his death on the vision, Aro terminate the Volturi's assault and no one is even harmed a little. 

And I was like ............ what the fuck.

That useless emotion I feel when I pity those vampires. That useless mourning on those cutie werewolves! That useless joy to watch Aro died. It never happened.

Anyways, the movie was great if you know the preceding stories. It provide a good and conclusive ending too. conclusive, yeah. Some movies were just so damn inconclusive,

..like this post.

Yeah, that sucks. I

navigating

life's a journey.
stop and navigate for a while to see where you are,
before you got lost too far.

tonight, I want to give thanks (with a grateful heaaart) for who I am, for who I'm not, for what makes me who I am, for what makes me who I'm not.

I am a girl, God thanks for that!
I'm a daughter in a happy little family, which, no matter how old I am as a person I'm always their little girl and I'm grateful for that!
I am not a smoker or drug user nor dealer thanks for that!
I am a student majoring in Psychology, even though it sucks sometimes but knowing everything could've been worse, thanks for that too.
I am a commuter, which kills my sanity sometimes but being alive and well until now, why should I complain?
I am not Bry's girlfriend anymore and it leaves a big hole somewhere inside but thanks God even just for the opportunity to ever have one of the finest and kind-est guy ever!
I am not the republic's president (?!), instead I am a carefree college student with plenty of time to play, to sleep, to sit and do nothing, thanks God for that!
I am not a cockroach, I don't live in a nasty kitchen thanks for that.
I am not an intellect with a hollistic and coherent path of thinking, which slowly interfering with my academical effort to look smart, lol to that, but anyways thanks for that, too! Life's good with that.
At last, I am twenty, which sucks as hell yeaaahhh and I'm still thinking of ways to find something to give thanks out of that.
But thanks God I'm still given the chance for that.

Okay my post is incoherent (again) but at least that is consistent with my viewbof self.
Ciao!

hours to existence

counting down to one's birthday is a sign of ineffectiveness as a person.
yet I'm doing it right now, what am I doing with my life staying up?
normally I spend the celebration of the first hours of my existence asleep.
carefree, or should I say careless. whatever.
I should've been reflecting, writing, meditating, navigating, blah blah blah but most of all I need to be myself more and more intact each and every day so ----

zZzzZZzZzZZZzz

will write something more meaningful tomorrow, lol. let's see.

thanks head, says heart.

"Sometimes we're wrong about what we thought we wanted.
Hurtfully, after some amount of time you realized,
something you won't even notice if you haven't tried."
- me on romantic relationship, though it may apply to work, etc.

Keeps my sanity sometimes to listen my head said over and over again this phrases to my miserable heart.
That's the best that hearts can do, you know, follow themselves to anywhere they want, and when reality proves them wrong, they run to heads. To logic. To justification.
And this is the best my head can do to safe this pitiful little compartement somewhere inside my chest.

call me foolish: just got to write

They said,
"wise men speak because they have something to speak, foolish men speak because they have to speak something"


by that means, it's safe to call me foolish because I just have to write something.
I practically have pretty much nothing to say (or, to write)

it's just an extremely boring class, and if there's something amusing enough to make the rest of the day far from a prolonged boredom the class may caused, it's got to be writing. at least for me.

well is it safe to call myself a writer?

far to that I am.

I just like to write.

Heaven knows how much I'd like to be a writer, having me name on top of the title,

one whole page full of testimonies from sophisticated first readers, and all those literature stuffs,

I aim for that since my elementary school days and still didn't make it to half of my first book.

Whoa.

Believe me, I keep punishing myself in my mind for that.

There's no writer without discipline and determination. There's no Ronald Weasley as we know now without discipline and determination. There's no (name your favorite fictional character) without discipline and determination. haha

so that's me and my fondness of the beauty of words,

just a determination away from being a writer.

head fights

"I don't love you and it's as true as reality."
..you wish.

"Not hard for me to live a fiction."
..you assume.

"A good liar knows how to believe in her own lies."
..you're not a good liar

"I don't care"
..you son of a bitch.

dear blog

dear blog (some kind of modern version of dear diary, I suppose)

How have you been?
Do you feel lonely without my babbling?
Are you okay with the idea that I finally have a life again in my reality realms
so I might have to abandon you -again?
Yes, I found life in the hectic-ness of college, in the tiring-ness of commuting over city and province every working day.
No, I don't feel okay to have to left you and other things that matters out.
Okay, I don't have to.
I just couldn't stand having such multiple roles that aren't connected to each other enough.
I was overwhelmed.
I couldn't make the time for every thing.
Most of all matters, I didn't feel like I have to.
Promise you (and every other little things) that I wouldn't let myself get swallowed again that easily.
I kinda know better now. That bigger things don't always mean they matter the most.
Sometimes it's the tiniest things that makes you smile from your heart.
And those little things matters.

galau: sebuah etimology ngawur

meninjau iklan sebuah operator selular (ga pernah nonton tipi sih, cuma liat di billboard),
bertajuk besar "ANTIGALAU 30 JAM", dengan penawaran iming-iming biaya nelpon dan sms murah.
hello.
generalisasi makna Bahasa Indonesia tercinta ini sudah berada di ambang batas mengkhawatirkan.
sejak kapan galau itu adalah gak punya pulsa untuk nelpon pacar?
sejak kapan galau itu adalah kekurangan beberapa rupiah untuk tarif ng-sms temen?

GALAU adalah di saat lu gak punya siapa-siapa untuk ditelpon, sampai2 pulsa memblendung, beli pulsa cuman buat perpanjang masa aktip
GALAU adalah di saat lu gak tau siapa yang harus di sms, meski di benak lu ada beribu kata, beratus frasa berpuluh paragraf berjuta-juta karakter yang dengan lancarnya bisa saja diverbalisasikan, hanya lu gak tau akan ditujukan buat siapa.

dan bukan itu aja kejahatan kita terhadap kata yang manis ini.
banyak lagi yang nulisnya aja males.

dan demikianlah gw menulis post ini, bahkan tanpa dibaca ulang untuk meyakinkan diri sendiri ini layak dibaca orang. bodo amatlah. penggunaan kata GALAU mulai mengusik gw.
itu kata yang indah, lagi sebenernya.
sendu, menggambarkan keterombang-ambingan state of mind seseorang namun bagaimanapun sarat makna ketenangan, tidak neurotik maupun impulsif; buat gw itulah galau.
hello world, GALAU is a state of mind.
GALAU is nothing any of your shallow stunning behavior could contemplate.
GALAU 'dicapai' ketika kekacauan yang ada pikiran lo hanya bisa stay disana karna rasanya nggak mungkin lagi dikeluarkan dengan cara apapun. thus, it's not impulsive, at all.
ya mohon maap sih kalo gw sewot berlebihan, gitu. sensitip aja kalo ada yang menodai warisan bangsa (tolong diterjemahkan sebagai national heritage ato ga legacy). apalagi linguistiknya.

satu kata yang mungkin bisa menggantikan kata GALAU kalau lain kali mau mendefinisikan keamburadulan hidup lo: mungkin lo hanya mengalami sedikit RETARDASI MENTAL.

my identity vs role confusion stage: MESS!

it's been 3 months away from you by now,
almost 2 months of my partnerless-ness already.
struggling from deep-within.
2 years lost inside your embrace -even though it's overwhelmingly comfortable-
I am now in search of my self.
collecting all the pieces that's left of me,
trying hard to find a clue,
of who I used to be.

in search of myself, I said.
"I'd find her for you," that's what you said.
",at least, let me wait for you."

NO!
you've known this all along!
you should've known I'm lost!
yet you let me fall!

barely do anything wrong, that's how you do.
the wind beneath my wing, that's what you are.
my muscle, my brows.
my sand castle, in which I feel safe.
too little too safe,
too little too lost.

I wish I could cut myself,
I wish I could just vanished away.
but if so I'll never know.

so I'll just keep looking forward for the day,
when I could finally fix this previous stage's mess,
enter the next with a sort of maturity just enough to get me through,
and we can catch up one day,
shaking hands, shaking knees.
that day when I'll say,
"Hi, I am Edira Putri Surachmat. it's very nice to see you again,
and this time, this is me."
(then you can call me at 8, or just walk away, either way won't hurt)

so here am I,
in search of myself.
and this time,
I'll find it within me.





P.S: btw, just btw,
do you know what the next stage is called?
it's intimacy vs isolation.
this theory rocks!


*berdasarkan Teori Perkembangan Psikososial Erikson,
sebagaimana dijelaskan mbak dosen yang belum-belum perbaikin nilai susulan saya.
tolong mbak, mbak cantik deh.

JavaJazzFest 2012

whoaaa this is so a postponed post!


so, March 4th, cindy and I was so thrilled to attend the Java Jazz Festival 2012, and that brought us to an adventure where we got lost in Stasiun Sawah Besar, got an iPad but got no direction, got a will but got no sufficient knowledge.



that just proved that a strong will is never not enough to reach whatever destination. lol

well, little did I know about jazz and its musician. okaaaay, nothing did I know about 'em. LOL. it's just, well it's something to do with my (so-called) NewYear Resolution. to answer to everything. to say 'yes' to anything. to do anything. to go everywhere. I could write a whole post bout that. LATER. haha

so, our first show to watch is of Trio Lestari.
they're awesome and funny, I was familiar with very few of their songs but it's worth to watch anyway.
sorry for the pic-- I didn't bring my DSLR, I was using a pocket camera. I thought a DSLR would be a lil overwhelming to brought, and I kinda regret that .

next was, Dave Koz. *drumroll pleaseeee*
this guy, is overwhelmingly charming. -no pic-, we're too far from the stage you know, a pocket camera won't do so I didn't waste.
actually I was not really in the situation to write now, homework is piling, so I'd suggest extremely charming and sweet is enough to describe the performance.
I'll write about it some other time. lol.


we saw several other shows I didn't manage to recognize nor remember the name so I guess this is it.
what an useless post. hahah. I just feeling like I should write about this event.


oh and, if we ever want to eat in the festival (which is impossible to resist), we must have a BNI Prepaid card, which I at first gladly purchase, but now dunno where else to use. I still have about 50k in that card. waste!!


okay this is the end of the post.
pointless? I know.
so, pictures, pictures.
they tell a thousand lies of how we wish things should be.
bye!
*acak2 rambut, buka buku, get back to work. MAIN WORK. fokussss!!*

perfection

foto jadul banget,
fully UNRELATED with post.
uploaded for no particular reason
as far as I'm aware of.

"I used to crave for perfection.

It's unhealthy.

Try to keep things in your life in BALANCE instead.

Then it's so much better."

-hikmat mendadak setelah baca Theories of Personalities bagian si Freud tentang id, ego, superego.

..just for once in a while

it's February the 29th!
dunno why I should get that excited.

well things have been tough these times.
if I had time to post so intensely, like 4 posts a week, then something's wrong with me. haha.
I've been lazy when everything is right.
maybe that left me with nothing to write.
but now that something's wrong,
I finally could find something that may sound.

----

well as mere human I'd like my life to be perfect.
all rainbows and butterflies, waking up to roses and the chirping of the birds,
feel the morning breeze upon the perfect skin, get dressed with the finest,
a guy with deep brown eyes to drag you around every corner you needed to be,
just, flawless.
but I've learned that perfect is not healthy. nope.

rainbows and butterflies, they get you nowhere.
they left you stare, amazed with their beauty, and waking up the other day still being the one mesmerized.
no. we just can't sit there and watch the butterflies hover around the flowers.
WE GOT TO FLY FOR OURSELVES.
now that the butterflies are gone, excuse me I've got some flying to do.

yes, and I'm talking to myself.

apart

admit it.

I complicate your life,

you simplify mine.

but in the end,

in the end we don't like what we become,

after all this time.

so it's gonna be just a lesson to learn,

come and go.

now both of us,

let us go back to where we belong.

apart

my happy ending

if it doesn't last,

then let me hold you for one additional minute

and if it doesn't meant to be,

something else is.

maybe not tonight,

but someday I'll be alright.

like a warrior we fought our battle,

first it's us against all odds then it's you against me

eventually we realize we never fought on the same side

for the same thing

if something's gotta end let it be not our lives,

let it be the war

we, we are blessed with such an ending, a happy ending.

you, you are my happy ending.